Today when Madelyn was napping I decided that I “needed” to finish the last five episodes of “Grey’s Anatomy” that I hadn’t watched yet (I made it through 3 of them). I’d been avoiding them because I knew what was going to happen. The episode where McDreamy is taken off life support really got to me. Even though it’s a fictional show, the sounds of that scene brought back so many memories of when we had to take Carter off life support. The beeps, the removing of the breathing tubes, the final breaths…gosh, it was all so vivid. Thank goodness Madelyn took a super long nap this afternoon so that she couldn’t tell mommy had been crying when she woke up. 🙂
So then this evening, Real Housewives of OC was on (I can’t help it, I watch OC, Beverly Hills, New York and New Jersey…I don’t have drama in my life so I guess it’s how I get my fix). I knew it was the episode where Vicki got the call that her mom passed away. That took me back to Nashville when Jeff had to call me to tell me about Carter. I know that had to be so hard for him to do. It’s something I still replay in my mind over and over…and three and a half years later I’m still not sure I can ever go back to Nashville again because of those memories.
The last time I posted, I’d mentioned how Madelyn and I had gone to visit Carter to take him some flowers, and I wondered when she would begin to understand that we go there to visit her brother, not the geese. Well, we have made a lot of progress in that area. She is beginning to understand that she has an older brother. She knows that it’s her brother in some of the pictures around the house. She also recognizes the cemetery when we drive by and knows that’s where we go to see brother. One day recently after we had been to the store, she asked if we could go see her brother. So, of course, I drove to the cemetery so we could “see” him. Well, really the only reason the little stinker wanted to go was so that she could steal his decorations. Seriously… I had to drag her to the car kicking and screaming and then take the stuff back after I got her buckled in. I guess we are making progress even if she just wants to go so she can take his Royals teddy bear. It makes my heart happy to hear her talk about her brother even though I know she doesn’t fully grasp it yet.