Just a year ago, we were getting ready to start our first year of holidays with our sweet Carter. Halloween was approaching and I was out and about purchasing his outfits for his first holiday with us. Carter’s face had just started to break out with baby acne and I was so annoyed that his pictures would document that. I decided we would wait until next year to get his first Halloween costume. Little did I know things like that would become the least of our worries. The thought of more babies was pushed far back in our minds. We would enjoy Carter as an only child for a few years before trying for another. When we tried again, we would be complete with our family of four.
Of course, all of this changed in February. We realized we would have to try again for a second child much sooner than we had planned. I would have to go through my second pregnancy in a short period of time. We were so lucky to get pregnant so quickly. I thank my lucky stars every day that it happened so quickly. I know there are couples that try for months and years, so trust me, I know we are lucky there.
Last Monday, we made our trip to the doctor to find out whether Carter would be a big brother to a little bro or sis. The doctor showed us that this baby has girl parts. Carter is going to have a little sister. Jeff and I were both surprised. I don’t know why, but we had ourselves convinced it would be another boy. Of course, we are thrilled to be carrying another healthy baby, but I won’t lie and say there wasn’t the smallest bit of disappointment there for a while. More than anything, I think we both wanted to finish what we started with Carter, with another son. I’m sure that probably sounds strange to some, but that is what we thought. It took us a little while for it to sink in. And now, we are getting excited about having a little girl. Now, I won’t have to stress about the boy clothes. Yes, I’ll hold on to them in case we need them in the future, but we don’t have to make decisions in regards to that. And now it won’t be as hard to change the decor in the room. We will HAVE to make it more girlie. Some small part of me thinks we are expecting a girl for a reason…to make things just a little easier for us.
As the week has progressed we get more and more excited about having a girl. For some reason, this week I was able to breathe just a little bit easier. I still can’t quite talk about the future too much yet, but I’m getting better. When friends talk about how much Jeff will love having a daughter and getting to walk her down the aisle one day, I get excited for a moment…and then I snap back to reality and realize that it’s years away before that will happen and who knows what will happen between now and then. It does feel good to get excited about things more and more. My mom and I went and purchased fabric this weekend for the bed skirt and blanket and it was nice to feel excited about the idea of a baby girl. I went back yesterday for some more items to decorate the room. When people see your pregnant belly holding a bunch of girlie items they start asking questions (you know, while waiting for fabric to be cut or while checking out), and inevitably the question is asked…is this your first? First girl, yes, first child, no. When this particular lady kept asking questions, I told her about Carter. Of course, that’s always a mood changer…and then it just reminds me that our lives are forever changed. We will forever be those parents of a SIDS baby…that label will never go away and it really sucks.
As I sit here typing this, I can feel little miss “Widgetta” (Jeff’s sister and her kids have named baby this) kicking around. I feel incredibly blessed to be carrying a healthy child. When I go make my weekly (or sometimes more) visits to see Carter, I ask him to protect all of us and keep his little sister safe. It’s a lot to ask of such a little guy, but I know he can handle it.