Thursday, September 29, 2011, was the day before my life changed forever. It was the day before Carter was born. It was the last day, or so I thought, that I would not a have a child in my arms or by my side. I decided to take the day off to spend some time alone before the big day. I slept in, ate lunch at Chipotle (Jeff isn’t a fan, so I have to go when I get the chance), and spent a relaxing, quiet day at home. I knew the next day was going to bring big changes in our life. I knew the quiet moments were going to be few and far between in the coming days, weeks and months to come. The next morning, you see, we were scheduled to arrive at North KC Hospital to be induced and finally meet our “little” man. So, the morning of September 30, we headed to the hospital at 4:30 am to get checked in. It was a relatively slow process of blood work, fluids, pitocin (the devil) and lying around…well, until the contractions started. Carter was finally born at 3:41 pm. I couldn’t believe his gargantuan size. I couldn’t believe how perfect he was. He had the perfect head of dark hair. He was just perfect…in every way. We couldn’t believe how lucky we were to have such a handsome little man in our lives.
I remember when they sent us home from the hospital we were scared s***less. We couldn’t believe they were letting him go home with us. We had no idea what we were doing. I admit that we probably had more of a clue than some of our friends that had babies and were first time parents…we have a niece and nephews that we had spent considerable time with so we at least knew that basics of changing diapers, feeding, and that’s about it! 🙂 It was still frightening knowing that we were responsible for this little person. I’ll never forget that first night at home. It was awful. Because Carter was so big, Jeff and I couldn’t decide what size clothes he should be in. He certainly wasn’t about to fit in newborn clothes and 0-3 month seemed to swim on him (looking back it really didn’t….wishful thinking on my part…ha!). We finally settled on something and attempted to swaddle him in a ridiculously tiny receiving blanket to put him down. Needless to say, the poor guy was up about every hour (probably because he was freezing) or two that first night. We were so tired. I desperately missed the nurses that night!
It didn’t take us very long to get the hang of things and before we knew it our little guy was sleeping 5-6 hour stretches through the night. He liked his sleep (much like his mommy) and we were very blessed that he got good sleep during the night because he didn’t so much like to nap (much UNlike his mommy). It was such a struggle to get him to nap longer than 30 minutes after he was about 2 months old. I guess he was afraid he was going to miss out on something big happening, so he wouldn’t nap. Looking back, I wish I could have enjoyed every moment with him…even those where I was frustrated because he wasn’t sleeping…had I known what was to come, I guarantee I would’ve appreciated every single moment even more.
We were blessed to have a very happy baby in our sweet Carter. I can’t believe it’s been a year since he was born. I never would have guessed a year ago this is where we would be…wishing our baby was with us instead of throwing a big first birthday bash. It just plain and simple is not fair. We plan to spend a quiet day with family on Sunday and will probably go to the cemetery to release some balloons into the air for our sweet boy. I so wish we were celebrating with all of our friends and family and watching our sweet boy dig into his own, personal cake. Unfortunately, all the wishing in the world won’t get us our sweet boy back. I know he will be up there watching down on us on Sunday (and every day). I’m sure they are throwing a big party for him up there in Heaven…at least that’s what I have to believe.